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"Spike, can I have a word with you in the kitchen, please?"

Spike sighed, and placed his cards on the baize cloth draped over the dinner table. Then he looked at the assorted demons sitting around said table and allowed his gameface to come to the fore for a moment.

"Sorry, gents. This won't take a minute. Talk amongst yourselves while I see what's the matter with my pet."

In the kitchen, Xander waited for his lover to come in and close the door before he spoke.

"There's a basket of kittens on our dinner table, Spike. After what happened last time, I really thought you'd have more sense than to do this again! And why, why, do you always call me your pet when you have your poker buddies around? It's embarrassing, Spike. I'm a grown man, I go out to work every day so we can live in this beautiful apartment, and you call me something that reduces me to the level of one of those kittens out there in the eyes of those demons."

Spike reached up and brushed a thumb over Xander's pout.

"Don't be daft, Xan. Those kittens aren't pets, they're... booty. Winnings. After-game snacks, in some cases, but never pets. You're special. You're mine. I love you, you know that." Spike leaned in for a kiss. "But that lot out there don't understand. As far as they're concerned, vampires have only one real use for humans and that's as food. If a vamp keeps a human around for any length of time, it's as a pet, and the other demons know to leave it alone."

With a sigh, the vampire pulled Xander into a tight embrace, nuzzling into his neck.

"Things'd be easier if I could just claim you, y'know? You'd wear my mark and they'd all know how much you mean to me; how much trouble they'd be in if they so much as touched you. But until we can find a way around this damn chip, you're gonna have to put up with me calling you my pet."

Xander gave Spike one last squeeze and then let go, stepping back to lean against the kitchen counter.

"Okay, Spike. But... the kittens? If you end up winning them again, you can be the one to find them all homes. And you can be the one to make sure they don't destroy anything important or expensive. And if they somehow manage to get into the flavoured lubes, like the last lot, you are on kitty litter duty, because there is no way I am cleaning up a mess like that again, okay?"

Spike's expression ran the gamut, from horrified to disgusted to hell no to... acceptance. The kittens were practically his already, if Xander would just let him get out there and finish the hand. And there was enough money in the pot for a deposit on that SUV his pet had been lusting after. Surely they could come to some kind of arrangement...

Inspired by this screencap from BtVS

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