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Clem Keeps a Secret

Clem hates keeping secrets; they make him nervous.
And when he gets nervous, he sweats.
This secret is gonna cost him a bundle in that special skin ointment he has to get on prescription, because this secret is a big one. And he's keeping it from the Slayer. And he likes the Slayer.
But he likes Spike more. Spike is his best friend, so he'll keep the secret.
Not that anyone would believe him anyway.
He could say "Spike's screwing Xander Harris, the dark-haired kid that works with the Slayer" and nobody would believe him because... well, really... would you?



D'Hoffryn Waits

D'Hoffryn patiently watched and waited, content in the knowledge that his beloved Anyanka would eventually realize that the human male she thought was perfect for her sadly human self was much more interested in 'interlocking parts' with demons than he ever would be in her.

He'd heard about the human's proclivities, but hadn't known whether or not to believe it, until he'd seen the way Harris acted around the vampire. He could hardly wait for Anyanka to find out she'd been thrown over for a demon, and a male one at that! Then she'd come crawling back... begging for vengeance.



Dru's tea Party

"More tea, Miss Edith?"
"..."
"Biscuit?"
"..."
"Maybe you'd like some plum pudding?"
"..."
"What?"
"..."
"A secret? I like secrets, Miss Edith. Will you share it with me?"
"..."
"I promise. Not a word!"
"..."
"..."
"..."
"Oh, I did love to watch my Dark Kitten playing with that silly Slayer."
"..."
"I'm sorry, Miss Edith. I wont interrupt again. Please, tell me the secret about my Dark Kitten. Please?"
"..."
"No, honestly, I'll never tell! Cross my heart and hope to die..."
"..."
"Oh, Miss Edith, you know what I meant! Please?"
"..."
"..."
"..."
"My Sweet William found himself a White Knight! Oh, Miss Edith, can I please tell Daddy? Please?"



Dis-Harmony

Harmony was furious. How dare her Blondie Bear do that to her? How dare he cheat and then lie about it! How could he have called out someone else's name when he was supposed to be making sweet love to her? He was supposed to love her, and look after her, and be hers forever, not start pretending she was someone else less than a week into their relationship.

And... ewwww! She so couldn't believe who he was fantasizing about. I mean, Xander Harris? Cordelia's cast-off? That was just wrong on so many levels.

The match flared. Spike's stuff burned.



Motherly Concern

Some people say it's something the mother does when they're just babies. It puts the wrong ideas into their heads or something and they grow up like that. But in that magazine article last month they said that it was all genetics, so maybe he was born like it. Would that make it any less my fault? Would his father understand that there was nothing I could do about it? Oh, please don't let him find out. Xander's moving out next week and his little blond friend with the leather coat is very discreet. Please keep them safe until then.



Indebted to Dad

That useless boy is late with the rent again. I'd go down there and take the 'interest' out of his hide but he's out at one of those crappy jobs he keeps losing. Always coming in smelling of grease or cheese or Chinese moogoo-whateverthefuck. And I bet he thinks I don't know about him having that friend of his stay over. Bleached blond British freak. Who wears a coat like that outside of Hollywood? I'd almost think he was queer, but my boy knows better than to take up with one of those after what happened with that Jesse kid...